Level Two

In January 2022 as I was at work relaxing for the last hr of my work day I realized how much better I needed to be not only as a woman but I also wanted to improve as a mother. I started thinking of my sons future & what I felt I should teach him that I wish I knew at a young age. I started observing the people in my life especially my family members including my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents & even look at what I knew about my great grandparents as well. I realized that my great grandparents & my grandparents on both sides was only living in “survival mode” meaning they only lived life based on having their necessities. There’s nothing wring with that but life is so much more than just “surviving” but of course most likely both of my grandfathers were taught to be tough, strong & be a good provider for their families & my grandmothers were taught to be submissive to their husbands & be a dedicated mother to their children. Again nothing wrong with that but surviving life & going day by day is only the basics. So with me realizing that I started looking at my parents at how they were when I was a kid & now as I’m an adult with my own child. My parents taught me to have a relationship with God, responsible, manners, be close to my siblings & to be a good person. They had talks with me & my siblings before which again I realize that it was the just below the basics. I even started looking at myself on how I needed to be the best I can be but also how to be a best version mother to my son. I heard of generational trauma but never really looked into it, I actually thought it was only regarding toxicity. It’s actually more than that, generational trauma can mean that you raise your children different than how you were raised. So I started reading books & following people on Instagram about self improvement & even started listening to podcasts as well. It helped me & I even started talking to my son differently & I even started to watch how I said things to him even when I told him to take the trash out or other chores he does. It was hard at first cause I would lecture him like the way my parents did or giving him the statements that were told me as a kid. I even started talking to him as an equal when we had our conversations as mother & son, I even apologized to him asking him if he’d forgive me for yelling or getting an attitude when I was mad at him. I realized my great grandparents & grandparents were only surviving & lived life to their best ability which was passed on to my parents. I don’t hold any grudges to any of them, I love them all but i choose to improve myself as a woman & as a mother. Maybe their purpose in life was to be that way because God knew when I was born I would be the one to realize that & change that within myself & with my son. I’m not a perfect mother at all, I’m far from it but one thing for sure 100% is that I love my son with all my heart, he’s my pride & joy & one of my greatest blessings that I will never take for granted. I want to be the best version of myself for him so he can be the best version of himself for his future wife & kids especially after I am no longer living on his earth. I’m sure many families have generational curses which is no one’s fault, it just has to stop by someone in the bloodline which can be done even though it will not be easy. That’s how I discovered level two of self improvement, not only did I have to learn from my past mistakes but also my great grandparents, my grandparents & my parents so I can improve for them. They served their purpose & now I am serving mine, even though my great grandparents & my grandparents are all gone I still miss them & I am thankful for all that they’ve done because in the end I am here because of them, their purpose may not have been to break generational curses but they did the best that they could with what they knew but for sure that strong work ethic is what i got from them especially my grandfathers. I still have my parents here as my support system which I’m thankful for so don’t ever feel like there is an ending of self improvement because there’s not, there are different levels of self improvement & could be achieved all throughout your life. Never stop self improvement & never stop practicing self love & self care no matter what. Even if you’re family isn’t perfect (which no family is) or you’re not sure what generational curses your family has, it can all start with you, I’m sure you can learn more things along with the way. Remember level two is still only the beginning.