The Realization

I have experienced 2 levels of self care & self love but it wasn’t on purpose, it was actually forced & unexpected. One experience was in 2016 & the other in 2022 which both are under the same category of self love & self care but on a different level. In February 2016, my sons dad & I separated after 14 yrs off & on which struck me hard, I was sad & hurt then on top of it I had to share my son in a different way by giving him to his dad every other weekend. He was 3 yrs old at that time & I felt like he was too young to be away from me for even a day but unfortunately I had to learn to adapt to my new parenting lifestyle. At first when my son was away from me & with his dad I learned to take advantage & do chores & laundry early & get everything together for the week so when he came back home Sunday night I can spend the remaining night with him instead of doing house chores & errands. After awhile I realized it wasn’t enough I wanted to do something else in my spare time other than the mommy duties but I just didn’t know what. So slowly I started having a life again as a woman not just being a mother, I started hanging with friends again, I started buying things for myself again like perfume & shoes. When I became a mother I totally was focused on him & of course sharing responsibilities & finances with sons dad so of course “Angie” was put to the side for a while. So when I had purchased perfume & shoes (I had many of these before I became a mother btw) I felt good like wow I remember being able to buy things like these & this is actually for me as a woman not the “mother” part of me. In April 2016 I even got lasik eye surgery which I’ve been wanting to do for awhile but couldn’t because I always thought about what my son may need or any finances that I can help his dad with since we were in a relationship together. When I got the lasik eye surgery I was excited like wow I got this done & it’s great to do something for me again & I loved my after results on top of that. So just by me buying things for myself, drinking way more water which I got used to drinking 98% of the time, giving up eating after 7pm, getting a procedure done for myself (which made my eyesight better) made me feel good inside like wow this is cool. So I started doing little things to make myself feel better like living my life as a woman again even buying myself makeup again. I even started working out with a long time friend of mine & I did lose weight which I felt great like wow I look good again lol & then it was a free class on top of that so that was a plus. In December 2019 I noticed that I wanted to do something else other than buying products for myself & living life by hanging with friends & doing what I want especially when I was kid free every other weekend but I just didn’t know exactly what. Since Covid hit the US in 2020 all I could do was work since most places were closed & really couldn’t go anywhere & was a little afraid to get sick so I stayed indoors more often that yr. I even had to stop working out since the center where I was taking workout classes had shut down & didn’t know when they were going to open up again. As I was staying indoors, I actually started being on social media more, as I was scrolling I started seeing people post many different things & some topics were actually very interesting even topics that I never even heard of or thought of. So slowly I started following the people that I felt like I can learn from or I followed them based on their interesting topics. January 2022 was the yr I discovered that I needed to be more, more healthy, more aware, love differently as a mother & many other things that I realized that I never knew or was even taught. Another different level of self improvement hit me again (just like in 2016) without even searching for it & I began to discover level 2 of self improvement; the self love & self care.